Ten things I've learned about myself in my thirties

Discovering some hard truths and interesting revelations of who I thought I was vs who I actually am

As I approach the end of my 30s (mind you, I still have a year to go before reaching 40!), I’ve been experiencing a bit of a reckoning in terms of what I thought I knew about myself and who I actually am. Some of these realizations are lighthearted and oddly specific; others have fundamentally changed the way I move through the world. But all of them feel connected to this season of life - one that has been far less about becoming someone new, and more about peeling back the layers of who I’ve always been.

Moving to New York has had a lot to do with that. The city has a way of holding up a mirror and forcing you to get honest with yourself. It’s made me reevaluate where I want to put my energy - in work, friendships, routines, etc. I think I had grown too comfortable being uncomfortable living in Texas, if that makes sense. And looking back on it, I was settling. I was comfortable staying a pattern that no longer fit me simply because it was familiar.

Your 30s have a funny way of stripping the idea of who you should be and bringing you closer to who you actually are. So in the spirit of self-awareness, reflection and maybe oversharing just a little, here are ten things I’ve learned about myself in this decade so far

1. I PREFER ONE-ON-ONE INTERACTIONS AS OPPOSED TO GROUP HANGS

I’ve always prided myself on being outgoing and personable. I’m one of those people who can strike up a conversation with just about anyone, whether I’m in a waiting room at a doctor’s office or standing in the security line at the airport. I’m naturally curious, and I genuinely enjoy hearing about other people’s lives and perspectives. I ask questions, I listen, and I’ve never felt the need to dominate a conversation just to feel included. For a long time, I assumed those qualities automatically made me equally comfortable in both group settings and one-on-one interactions. But over the last few years, I’ve realized I actually thrive much more on-on-one.

I’m not someone who enjoys talking over people or fighting for airtime in a conversation, so I often end up taking the backseat and not saying much at all in certain group settings. While I tend to get a lot of energy from conversations I have with friends one-one-one and really enjoy that quality time, I often leave group get togethers feeling inadequate and insecure that I didn’t add much value. Part of that probably comes from being in a new city and constantly meeting new people - there’s an underlying anxiety about sounding uncool, awkward or saying the wrong thing. Either way, sometimes when I leave a group interaction I think, that wasn’t my best work. In groups, I can sometimes feel like a watered-down version of myself instead of the fun, chatty person I know I am. It’s something I’m actively working on, especially during this season of building a new life and meeting so many new people here!