Five years with Reeses - what having a dog has taught me
A personal essay and reflection of life so far with my Frenchie - the ups, downs and lessons I've learned in the process!
Getting Reeses was a bit of an impulsive decision. It was at the height of the pandemic when things were still mostly locked down, after I'd been isolated for many weeks. I grew up with two dogs and had been wanting to get one as an adult, but with my travel schedule it just never seemed like a good time. It wasn't until I was forced to stay put that I took it under serious consideration... and when the forecasting of when the world would reopen kept getting pushed back, I figured it was the perfect time! I was bored and lonely at home in lockdown, and thought it would be ideal for getting a puppy acquainted and trained. My mom had warned me how the responsibility and stress of getting a dog could impact my freedom and very flexible lifestyle, but naturally I didn't listen.
Naively, I brought Reeses home thinking I was fully capable of handling a puppy. I am very independent and self-sufficient, after all! I heard it was a challenge, but I was not prepared for the lack of sleep and how much my need for control would expose itself in that first week. My house was small and on the older side, and sound carried very easily in that space - I wanted to crate train her, but her cries at night kept me fully awake... even when she was on the other side of the house. During the day it was constant vigilance to make sure she didn't go potty somewhere she shouldn't. We played and had fun too, but I was always on alert for a potential accident. I couldn't let myself relax and just enjoy this precious little puppy in my house. The freedom and almost stress-free life I had before her arrival? Poof. Gone. That first week was brutal.
At almost exactly one week in, I was so overwhelmed I had what I can only describe as a mini mental breakdown. I cried for HOURS - probably a full day of sobbing by myself, sobbing on the phone to my mom and sister, my friends. Aside from when my dad died and more recently with the Hunt/Camp Mystic flooding, I can’t think of another time when I’ve cried this much. I seriously considered giving the dog back. I just couldn't imagine doing this day in and day out for the rest of my life. Would it ever get better? Would I ever get my life back? I couldn't see past my current situation and was totally distraught. Looking back, most of my despair I can attribute to a lack of sleep - this was the first and only time in my life I've ever been that sleep deprived for that many nights in a row. If I'm being honest, that week had a massive impact on how I feel about having kids - I'm just not sure I'm cut out for such little sleep. And for the people who will inevitably tell me that's short lived, talk to my mom - I know she still loses sleep over me and my sister, and we're thriving adults! Never say never, but it gave me a lot to think about.